Growing up in a large family, there was little chance of having much alone time. However, it was important for my sanity, so I found a way to get a good share of alone time every day. Even though I was able to find this “alone time,” I never truly had to be alone.
As a mom, I’ve learned that there are many definitions and emotions associated with the word alone. I’ve also learned that, although I really love alone time to think and ponder, I do not like to be alone. When I was first married and a new mom, I was in a new town and had my first taste of what being truly alone, isolation, felt like. Since then, I’ve felt varying degrees of isolation.
You know, you can be surrounded by people and yet still feel alone. It’s an isolation felt when you’re still trying to “fit in,” but you can’t seem to find people who you can really identify with. It’s the lone wolf who follows behind the pack, or goes off on his own in search of another (pack/community), not knowing if he actually will.
Just recently, I was feeling alone (oh, yes – it still happens more often than I would like to admit). This time, however, it went much deeper. I felt like I still hadn’t found my community (pretty typical for me), I felt like even my husband and I weren’t on the same page (yep, that happens from time to time), and I felt like God had abandoned me.
Guys. That is a lie! God does not abandon.
On this particular day, I was already feeling pretty isolated, but I was consoled by the fact that God never abandons. John and I decided that we were going to go to confession since we hadn’t been in a little while. (We’re Catholic). We’re only 3 minutes from this particular church, so one of us will stay home with the kids while the other goes and then we’ll switch. I wasn’t quite ready yet, so John went first. By the time I got to the church, there was still about 10 minutes of confession time left. However, when I went to open the doors, the church was already locked up.
Where’s God When I’m Scared???
That’s when the whispers started coming. I felt that not even God wanted me. Thoughts of, “Confession is a means to clean my soul, but He’s locked me out – He doesn’t want me in Heaven with Him!” …Well that escalated quickly.
This is where I’m thankful for the gift of Faith. I started thinking about everyone who has lost Faith and Hope in God. There are so many people out there who feel this same way – many who feel it so much more deeply. Let me just tell you one thing….
God has not abandoned you!
He does like to play hide and seek from time to time though, so start seeking. In seeking Him, we start to develop a relationship with Him that we may not have even known could exist.
Even if you’ve always prided yourself on a pretty good relationship with Our Lord:
The devil likes to whisper His lies even more when we’re feeling down. Hold tight to your Faith and give thanks that you have been given that grace. When I was feeling rejected even by God, it was my Faith that kept me from believing those lies.
What is Faith?
“Faith is the realization of what is hoped for and evidence of things not seen.”
Basically, it’s that little nugget of truth that keeps you going when things get rough.
Have Faith and Hope in The Lord.
What’s your story?